Dead Man Talking

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Category Archives: You Must Write Me a Letter

You Must Write Me A Letter by Crad Kilodney

You Must Write Me A Letter by Crad Kilodney

September 2002


This is my ultimatum: someone must write me a real letter or I won’t write this monthly column any more.

A letter you ask. Don’t you mean e-mail? No, I don’t mean e-mail. I mean a LETTER. You call it snail mail. Someone must write me one. A good one. And it must come from a stranger. I wrote all my books for an audience of strangers and stood on the street 17 years to sell them. Now I’m retired from book writing and I want letters from strangers. The Internet is supposed to be this miraculous invention that brings a whole world together. Anyone can communicate with anyone. But does anyone have anything substantial to say? Well, let’s find out.

Here is the address:

Crad Kilodney
P.O. Box 54541
1771 Avenue Rd.
North York, Ont., CANADA
M5M 4N5


It’s just a mail drop uptown. I only bother to check it every other week. I can’t remember the last time I received a personal letter.

I am 54 years old, and I am a defender of old values. I am a believer in the value of the traditional letter. The letter is a human artifact, with all its individuality, physicality, and aesthetic beauty. Writing implements are beautiful, stationery is beautiful, stamps are beautiful, handwriting is beautiful. Ever hear of a museum or library collecting e-mails? Do collectors buy e-mails?

I’ll tell you what has value — any letter from me. A major university collects my private papers, and my old books have gone up in value as collector’s items. So, listen, do you want to receive something that is guaranteed to become more valuable as time passes? Write me a good, old-fashioned letter, and I’ll send you one in return. And I will enclose something astounding or mysterious as a bonus!

Yeah, you can’t remember ever writing a letter, you poor dumb-ass. You and 95% of the people on the Net. But I only need one to continue this monthly column. Of course, I will answer all. What should you write about? Anything. I am really and truly that rare person you can talk to about anything.

I have beautiful fountain pens and several colors of ink, all crying to be used.

I have nothing to sell. If you’re looking for my old books, you can try your luck at

Yes, in fact I do have an email address, although I don’t have a computer. It is, but I do not promise to answer e-mails.



by Crad Kilodney

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Crad Kilodney, P.O. Box 72577, 345 Bloor St. East, Unit 7, Toronto, ON, M4W 3S9

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