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Osama bin Laden’s Favorite Cookie Recipes by Crad Kilodney

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Osama bin Laden’s Favorite Cookie Recipes by Crad Kilodney

November 2001

 

 

Jihad Gingerbread Men

 

½  cup molasses ½  teaspoon baking soda
¼  cup sugar ½  teaspoon salt
3   tablespoons butter ½  teaspoon nutmeg
1  tablespoon milk ½  teaspoon cinnamon
2  cups flour ½  teaspoon ground cloves
½  teaspoon powdered ginger

Preheat the oven to 350° F while praying for the death of infidels and butter some cookie sheets. Heat the molasses to the boiling point, as you would the masses in Islamabad, then add the sugar, butter, and milk. Mix the flour with the baking soda, salt, nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves, and ginger. Add the first mixture and blend well. Add a few tablespoons of water, enough so that the dough holds together and handles easily, like plastic explosives. Roll or pat out the dough about ¼ inch thick. Using a box cutter, cut into large gingerbread men in the shape of heavily-armed soldiers. Bake for 5-7 minutes. When cool, adorn with frosting and bits of candy, raisins, or orange peel to represent gun belt, grenades, dagger, ammunition clips, etc. An inspiring treat served throughout our training camps.

 


 

Mujahadeen Molasses Cookies

 

¼  cup molasses 1  egg
½  cup shortening 1  cup flour
¾  cup dark brown sugar ½  teaspoon salt
½  teaspoon baking soda

Preheat the oven to 375° F. Mix the molasses, shortening, brown sugar, and egg in a bowl, combining well. Mix the flour, salt, and baking soda together, add to first mixture, and blend. Arrange by teaspoonfuls on ungreased cookie sheets, about 1 inch apart, and bake for 7-10 minutes or until crisp and lightly browned. A nourishing snack to eat where the air is thin, as it is in our many caves in the mountains of Afghanistan. All guests must eat them, too.

 


 

Taliban Sand Tarts

 

   ¼  pound butter 1  egg white, slightly beaten,
1 ½  cups sugar     like a disobedient wife in
   1  egg     accordance with Islamic law
   2  cups flour 1  teaspoon cinnamon
   ¼  teaspoon salt

Preheat the oven or outdoor stone pit to 400° F. Beat the butter until softened, then slowly add 1 ¼ cups of the sugar, continuing to beat until creamy and smooth. Add the egg and mix well. Add the flour and salt and beat until well blended, like our inconspicuous agents in America. Chill the dough for 30 minutes. Sprinkle a surface lightly with flour and roll out the dough very thin, then brush it with beaten egg white. Mix the remaining ¼ cup of sugar with the cinnamon and sprinkle over the dough. Cut into appropriate Islamic shapes, such as rocket launcher, tank, plane, or Mullah Omar, and place on ungreased cookie sheets. Bake for about 6 minutes or until the edges of the cookies turn slightly golden. Remove from oven; let cool a minute or two before removing from rack to cool. Store in airtight container, like those used for biological or chemical weapons. Serve to family while listening to state-controlled radio station. Then the children must say their prayers and go to bed. The wife must retire to the marital bed and await her husband.

 


 

Suicide Shortbreads

 

Sandy and crumbly, like the ruins of a symbol of American
hegemony after a martyr’s bombing mission.
½  pound butter 2  cups flour
½  cup confectioners’ sugar ¼  teaspoon salt
¼  teaspoon baking powder

Preheat the oven to 350° F. Cream the butter, then gradually add the sugar, beating well. Mix the flour, salt, and baking powder together and add to the first mixture, combining thoroughly. Roll out the dough with a rolling pin or artillery shell casing until it is ¼ inch thick, then cut into any shape that is acceptably Islamic. Put them on ungreased cookie sheets, prick each cookie with a fork, and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until you see a vision of virgins awaiting you in Paradise. A perfect send-off sweet for you and your brothers on your last day on earth.

 


 

al-Qaeda Brownies

 

(Don’t overcook! We like them moist and chewy!)
   3  ounces unsweetened chocolate    ¼  teaspoon salt
   6  tablespoons butter    ¾  cup flour
1 ½  cups sugar    ¾  cup chopped walnuts
   3  eggs 1 ½  teaspoons vanilla

Preheat the oven to 350° F. Butter a 9-inch square cake pan. Melt the chocolate and the butter in a bowl or pot over simmering water, stirring until smooth. Remove from heat, and stir in the sugar, eggs, salt, flour, walnuts, and vanilla. Combine well. Spread in the pan and bake for about 40 minutes, until dry on top and almost firm to the touch. Set the pan on a rack to cool for about 15 minutes, then cut the brownies into squares approximately 2 ¼ inches. A tasty reward for little Mohammed after a good day on the shooting range, may he grow up to kill a thousand Americans and Jews and die gloriously for Islam!

 

 

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Crad166@yahoo.com

 

Crad Kilodney, P.O. Box 72577, 345 Bloor St. East, Unit 7, Toronto, ON, M4W 3S9

— Crad’s new writing is now at CradKilodney.wordpress.com

 

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