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Glub the Wonder Fish by Crad Kilodney

Glub the Wonder Fish by Crad Kilodney

January 2001

Little Becky walked down to the lake one morning and called out to her friend Glub, the Wonder Fish. “Glub!…Oh, Glub!…Where are you?”

Glub, the Wonder Fish, swam to the surface. “Blurp?” he said.

“Oh, Glub, I need to talk to you really bad!”

“Glorp, glorp.”

“It’s about my mom. You know those groups you warned me about? Well, she joined one of them. I found the pamphlets and newsletters in her room.”

“Plup, plup?”

“Of course, I’m sure. She even admitted it. So, tell me what to do.”

Glub looked very serious for a moment, then he said, “Plurp, blub…blub…plip, plorp…blip, blip, blup…ploop!”

Becky took a deep breath. “Okay, Glub, I’ll do it.” And she returned home.

The next day, Becky brought her mother to the lake. “Honest, mom! I made friends with a fish! His name is Glub, and he talks to me!”

“Really, Becky, this has to be a joke! A talking fish! Where do you get such silly ideas?”

“Just watch, mom!…Oh, Glub!…Oh, Glub!…” The fish came to the surface and peeked out from under a lily pad. “There, mom!” said Becky, pointing.

“Where?…Is that him?…I can hardly see him.”

“He’s a bit shy, that’s all. Just lean forward so you can see him better.”

Becky’s mother stepped onto a rock and leaned over the water. “Come out, little fishie….Don’t be afraid….I’m your friend….” She peered intently, balancing herself as best she could on the slippery rock.

Suddenly, Becky pushed her with all her might, and she fell into the water with a big splash!

Glub was on her in an instant, his teeth tearing at her throat! Becky’s mother screamed and flailed about in confusion as the fish bit her savagely about the face, arms, and legs. With each bite, blood poured from the wound of the terrified victim, who swallowed water and slipped below the surface, thrashing about in panic. It was just like the attack in Jaws….Well, okay, so it wasn’t exactly like Jaws. But the point is, I’ve got a nasty little fish, and I need a violent, bloody scene, so you can believe it or shove it.

After a few minutes, it was all over. Becky’s mother’s body was a shredded mess floating in a big patch of bloody water.

“Glurp, glurp!” said Glub to Becky.

The little girl sighed. She felt bad about her mother, but she believed her Wonder Fish friend knew what was best. “Okay, Glub, I won’t tell anyone. Well, I’d better go home now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

After she left, Glub surveyed his handiwork with much satisfaction. The woman’s dead eyes were open, filled with horror. He looked into them and said, “There, bitch! Now how do you like animal rights?”

by Crad Kilodney

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